Dog Tired

Still feeling pretty glum about losing our family dog. I canceled my extra tutoring jobs yesterday, since I felt a little fragile and didn’t think I could handle kids running around my house tonight.

When I woke up from a teary evening, I was met with an e-mail from Jaybird’s mom. She is such a spectacular woman, with amazing ambition and drive. She told me about her journey in possibly holding certain parties responsible for their actions regarding Jaybird’s suicide. It seems so hopeless within the borders of the South. It left me feeling sad, and even less willing to take on the world, so I canceled my tutoring yesterday.

The response I gave was intended to support her, but it drained me quite a bit when recounting my struggles of caring for him when we dated, as well as the issues I’ve also had while attending that neglectful university.

I’m thankful I have Tunafish to listen to me. She isn’t jealous when I recall him. She just listens, and she empathizes. I’m very lucky.

Of course today it’s more difficult to go back to work. Since I’ve generally been feeling low, I canceled my tutoring twice last week: once with no reason, once out of a stomach bug. I feel bad for canceling so much, but it was so nice to not have children destroying my house. I was productive and wrote a bunch for my blog, which made me feel better since I’m being a little creative.

These days I keep telling Tunafish I’m just going to quit all of my tutoring, and deal with it. I want to paint, and write. I don’t want my house messy at the end of each long night. I don’t want to deal with parents, or grandparents, or books, or lesson plans. The kids can all come over and watch movies and beg me for candy, but that’s it. I just don’t want to teach them.

Any thoughts? What’s a girl to do?

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Megan says:

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. I am at a similar position where I am struggling to decide whether to stay at one place or make a new start elsewhere, and writing is the only thing that’s keeping me sane. Stay strong!

    Like

    1. MermaidTuna says:

      Thank you. Can I ask where you are, and where you may go?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Megan says:

        I’m at home in a small southern Ontario city because my mom had been very ill and needed all-day care. It was difficult to find a nurse because my mom had on-and-off bouts of dementia and nobody could understand what she wanted. Now I’m trying to decide what to do afterwards, whether to return to grad school or move to either Toronto or Vancouver with my friend. And I hate making decisions. Urgh.

        Like

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